Forever and before.
By Antonio Lopez
Forever doesn't mean forever. The time span only spans out to account for the time that is considered "time." What about "before time?" I seem to recollect particles and fragments of memories that were, as I sit here in my current vessel - though much greater in stature and more complex than I was still.... I am less.
This food I consume and these trivial day to day chores that consume me and my thoughts and the constant attention I pay to the clock because I know that every second that passes I come closer with inevitability... that is my confrontation with the unknown!
I am more, yet I am less....
I am more because I can "be." I can say that "I am." I am able to express myself, I am able to be apart of a purpose - I am able to be a part of all and yet still be a part of none.... I am less....
I am less because what I once was, where I once was, and the space I shared that with was literally "everything."
I never knew this. You see, for the majority of my time in this vessel I was in a slumber, I never knew. I never thought and I never considered the possibilities of more. Sure, I thought of life and the universe time and again but I never considered that i was once part of that universe..... and then I saw you.
In that moment a whirlwind of emotions flooded into my mind... things that are incomprehensible to a vessel of this make up. Things I can't feel because I can't comprehend what it means to feel that. Memories I can't recall but I can feel. Because I remember....
We were together, in that time before the time. You were apart of I and I was apart of you. We were bonded in chemical makeup, and we had all that we could have ever wanted.
Then time began. A new concept we had never known.... and we were split in a moment, or was it a billion moments? I can't recall.... but you were gone from me.
I traveled. I traveled far, though far was again a new concept. I had never known "far" or "distance" or even "travel" and yet I was doing that. Time passed. I began to understand time, and heartache. My panic turned to a sense of loss and grief and lack of purpose....
I tried to find purpose. I formed with others who created spheres of light, and when we grew tired we blew outward again and became spheres of rock and stone. There was beauty.... and there was less. Again, we bonded into new things and began searching for purpose. I took part in millions, or maybe billions of years worth of what we know as evolution.
I became, I became not, I was, and I was not.
Then, I became again. I became this current vessel, doomed to be undone and thrust into the chaotic abyss once more and I had no hope of ever finding you. Until I saw you.
And in that moment I recalled, forever and before.